BONUS JULY INTERVIEW
Normally I keep a very strict no-hatelinking policy on the internet. Life is too short, there is too much suffering, and a desire to foment hate and anger is exactly the reason people post terrible things on the internet in the first place.
However. I really wanted to use a Kim Kardashian interview for my July interview, but Kim is good. She has her situation locked down. She controls the tone of her media appearances and she polices her questions well. There were no good “10 questions for Kim Kardashian” interviews that I could find that suited the purposes of my little project here.
But. I found this really dismissive list of 31 questions for Kim on Bustle. I am very sorry to call out the person who wrote this, she’s just trying to swim for shore in a content tsunami that rages terribly all around her. But her questions suited my purposes quite well, AND, having worked in video games for a number of years, I know a little bit about how these projects work. I feel completely qualified to answer these questions.
1. Right off the bat we’re curious: did Kim even know what a video game was before this?
Yes. Kim knew what a video game was. Video games have existed for decades, and Kim strikes me as quite tech-savvy, so it seems incredibly likely that Kim encountered them at some point in her life.
2. Did she come up with the objectives herself or were they just cobbled together based on her life?
Most likely no, and partially. The studio pitched Kim the idea for the game, and she made a business agreement to license her image to them. They probably presented ideas for objectives and goals within the game for her to approve, and she probably had some suggestions for tweaks and additions. They valued and worked to honor her opinion, because the game wouldn’t be as successful without her support.
3. What is it like, being in a development meeting for something like this with Kim Kardashian?
You are very nervous. You want her to be happy. You have worked hard on this game and it’s important to you. You know there are inevitably going to be details that you get slightly wrong, you just hope you haven’t screwed them up in a way that will make it expensive for the development team to fix. But since Kim is a professional, it’s a very positive interaction at the meetings. She makes you feel good about what you’ve accomplished, and delivers criticism in a way that makes you feel like the product will be all the better for it. You try to find ways to deliver a game that will meet her expectations, within the constraints of time, money, and staff.
4. Does she just sit around and nod?
No. She speaks, and laughs, and smiles, and is gracious when someone brings her water or coffee. She is appreciative of your time, because you are not wasting her time.
5. Do her eyes just glaze over until the words “shopping,” “money,” and “hot” pop up?
No. Successful women are very good at active listening and interpersonal communication.
6. Why is it that these avatars look to be in permanent selfie-pose mode?
The avatars are often looking at their nails or have their eyes closed, so I’m not sure how you define selfie-pose. But the idea would be that the characters are fun to look at and take screenshots of, to share with your friends on social media.
7. Is that what it takes to become famous?
Like, picking lightning bolts up off the floor? I mean, probably not?
8. Seriously why are these avatars always winking and fluffing their hair?
The animators will create maybe 5-10 animations, for both male and female avatars, to give the screen some life and motion while you are tapping around on the level. The game would look much weirder and “feel” less fun, if the characters weren’t constantly moving in the background.
9. They have to fold clothes before they become famous: is that representative of Kim’s true struggle to make it to the top? (Sounds like a deep metaphor.)
A lot of people work in retail when they’re just starting out. There’s no shame in it. But it’s not a metaphor.
10. …Is this “game” supposed to be “fun”?
Yes. As a game, it is supposed to be entertaining for people who enjoy this type of game. Not for everyone, but hopefully for a significant number of people. If the game was not fun it would not be successful. It is a business endeavor, not an art project.
11. Or are we supposed to feel like clawing our eyes out by the end of it?
Gosh I hope not.
12. What does Kim Kardashian consider fun?
Who knows! Judging from her Instagram I would guess that she enjoys laying out, swimming, spending time with her family and friends, going to events or parties, that kind of thing.
13. Does Kanye West think this is the greatest video game of all time or THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME?
Who can say, but Kanye probably thinks there are things that are successful about it and things that can be improved. And he’s right.
14. I see there are blue lightning bolts: what the heck do those do?
They give you energy to perform tasks. The tasks help you level up your character.
15. And are those other things called KardashiKoins? (Because they should be.)
I’ve been calling them K-Stars but I don’t know what the official name is. Your suggestion is not bad though.
16. What do those do?
They’re one of the in-game currencies. K-Stars give you access to outfits for your character, decorations for your house, and they can also help you through difficulties in interpersonal relationships.
17. Is that like a BitCoin?
It is in no way like a Bitcoin.
18. Are they equally as or more useless than a BitCoin?
This is a legitimately good question. I don’t know enough about Bitcoin to answer it.
19. Does Kim Kardashian understand the negative effects of the lifestyle of superficiality and excess she’s promoting?
Kim Kardashian is promoting Kim Kardashian. The end.
20. Does she really think this is the best use of her time and image?
She used her time and image and attention to help create a game that million of people have played, and that millions of people love, and which in turn is generating millions of dollars in revenue. Some people write mean-spirited content on the internet for pennies, in order to make their rich male bosses even richer. We make decisions in life.
21. Oh wait she probably doesn’t care because money, does she?
Who on this planet doesn’t care about money.
22. If someone’s making money and free will is involved clearly there are no negative consequences, right?!
I do not understand this question.
23. But still, she’s essentially telling people to cultivate a self-obsessed attitude. Does she get that?
I’ve been playing the game for a month and I don’t feel like I was ever given the message that I should cultivate a self-obsessed attitude. Very honestly, the message of the game to me is: Handle your business. But when interacting with art and games we bring our own personal set of experiences to the table, which informs what we see in them.
24. Is perpetuating an image of women as material-object and fame-hungry obsessives really something she’s OK with?
You can play as a man in the game and all the activities and objectives are exactly the same.
25. Why is any of that fun?
There’s probably some scientific answer to this having to do with endorphins and neuro-chemicals, but explanations of the experience of fun and what it means evolutionarily are way beyond my pay grade.
26. How is any of that fun?
Oh this one’s easy. It’s fun because it’s silly. It’s ridiculous and the game is aware of its own ridiculousness. It’s there in every interaction, every objective. Also it’s fun to pick out clothes for your character. Also it’s very fun to see what your friends are doing in the game. I’ve probably added 30 new friends on GameCenter since starting the game, and its made a lot of my friendships outside the game more fun and interactive around this shared experience. The existence of this game has led to my having more and deeper relationships with many people I previously only vaguely knew online. My life is richer because of this game. This isn’t to say it would be fun for everyone (it wouldn’t!) but to miss out on that opportunity because of lofty ideals about free will and superficiality? Come on.
27. Isn’t, you know, actually accomplishing something more fun than this?
This is a false dichotomy. Playing a game doesn’t prevent you from accomplishing other things. This morning I did a 3-hour photoshoot and then I wrote this interview.
28. Does she understand the ramifications of her actions at all, ever?
I would suggest this game is proof that she does.
29. Wouldn’t she like to be better? Wouldn’t you, Kim?
I think everyone on some level is striving to be better. Emotionally, spiritually, as a writer and pop culture critic, whatever!
30. Wouldn’t you be happier if you actually stood for something worth believing in?
There’s no objective universal morality, and no one is strictly good or evil. People in Israel probably wish the people in Gaza stood for something worth believing in. Different people believe in different things. It is not for any on person to define what everyone else should believe in.
31. No? You’d rather get money and be married to Kanye West because fame is far more important than substance or using your influence for good?
Ha ha what? What are you even mad about here. If fame is less important than substance why did you publish this article? All I can tell you is that it’s very easy to hate everything, but life becomes much more enjoyable when you approach it with an open heart and mind. You don’t have to like everything and everyone, but let people love the small things they love. They mean you no harm.
Jennifer Aniston Kevin Fanning Shares H eris Health and Beauty Secrets
We got the busy internet star to sit down and answer some random questions for us
The food I love so much that if I dropped it on the floor, I’d eat it anyway is basically any candy? Honestly it depends on the floor more than it depends on the food. There isn’t a lot I wouldn’t eat off most floors. Maybe Jennifer Aniston can drop food hither and yon and move on with her life but I’m out here living check to check.
My ultimate stress reliever is writing. The Vladimir Horowitz quote here about practice applies very much to my mental health. Although honestly lately writing doesn’t help as much as it used to, which is bad.
The one song that gets me moving without fail is ”Can’t Hide Love” by Earth, Wind & Fire, or D’Angelo’s cover of same.
My postworkout beauty ritual is ok this question makes many assumptions. If I did ever find myself “postworkout” my beauty ritual would be to shower as quickly as possible. But NOT at the gym b/c I find gym showers to be gross and mentally I don’t FEEL as clean as I do in a shower that’s isn’t shared with strangers. But to the extent that “running after a bus” or “walking up a lot of stairs” can be considered a workout, then my postworkout beauty ritual is to stop and breathe heavily and sit down somewhere and wipe the sweat off my forehead with my shirt sleeve. And drink water, you have to stay hydrated.
If I could trade bodies with one person for 24 hours, I’d pick COLTON HAYNES was the first person who came to mind. Is that weird? Because maybe there are other Teen Wolf cast members with better bodies? Oh but wait I would really like to have Ksenia Solo’s body, if there are no restrictions on gender during this swap. Honestly there is a long, long list of people I would love to trade bodies with. I would also trade bodies with most dogs.
I know I can beat anyone in literally nothing. I really do not think there is one thing on this planet that I am better at than anyone else. I am not a very intelligent person and I do not have unique skills.
No one knows that I can barely keep myself from deleting this question. I can’t think of an answer (see above about the lack of unique skills) so the interview would flow easier without it, but I told myself at the beginning I wouldn’t delete questions, I would use the exact interviews. So. No one knows that I am overly precious about every word I write.
It’s Sunday morning at 11 a.m. You’ll find me completely stressing about what’s for lunch, and when are we going to get the week’s shopping done, and is there even time to get any writing done, and oh god we have to like, do something to entertain the kids today, right? Or are we terrible parents? Like where has the day even gone? Where have our lives gone?
If you want to make me smile have someone I love finally follow me back on twitter.
If yoga didn’t exist, I’d see fewer women carrying yoga mats and more importantly there would need to be a new backstory for Dhalsim from Street Fighter.
When I need extra motivation, I look at the internet and see all these people posting funny things, and amazing updates about stuff they’ve created and things they’ve accomplished, and I think: Jesus fucking Christ Kevin you complete waste of skin what is your problem you are terrible.
Before I go to bed, I have a whole ritual, probably not dissimilar from Jennifer Aniston’s. Brush teeth, then wash face & hands, then floss. Has to be in that order, can’t floss with dirty hands. Then pajamas, then, lotion on my face so my skin doesn’t get dried out. Also I have to use lip balm before bed religiously or else my lips fall off my face. Then I read a chapter or two of something before bed. I really don’t look at my phone.
If I had to give up Mexican food for a year or post a selfie on Instagram for a year I’d first of all ask you to clarify the terms of this agreement. Like post ONE selfie and have that be your selfie for the year? Or do they mean post one selfie per day for a year? Or something? But also how are these two things even correlated? I’d be perfectly happy and capable of doing either of these things. Just ask.
I’m dying too.
My world. My rules. I would want women to be in charge of local, state and national government.
My friends know that they’ll drive me crazy if they chew, swallow, gulp or make any other non-vocalic mouth-related noises anywhere within a 10-foot radius around my person.
My guilty pleasure is answering celebrity quizzes as though I was an actual famous person, and then referring to this habit as a “project”, as though there was some kind of inherent art or value in my doing it.
If I programmed my own TV network, it would air only the McMouse scene from S2 of New Girl, on an endless loop.
- I am not sure if this is serious or not
- IM LAUGHING
- is this true?
- Hahahahahahahahahaha what kind of story is thiss
- At first I was skeptical, but then I was like :(OUO)
- “I Knew You Were Trouble” is actually about Harry Styles.
- It’s actually about Jake Gyllenhaal
- Trust me, it’s about Harry Styles.
- This is kinda mean and besides if you listen to her other songs it’s not about breaking up like sparks fly, it means the special feeling that you have when you find love and ours? That means that even through a lot of difficulties, they still manage to get past through that because of love and yeah maybe some of her songs are about breaking up, so waht? Tons of other people have done so and some people write songs about sex so why are you being so mean to her? And by the way, why are you writing stories about her? You’re being very immature and rude. So why did I even read this? Well maybe becuase I wanna defend taylor swift even if she doesn’t know me, did you know she has donated thousands to charity and she brought her parents a house?
- Could you consider a Katy Perry / tentacles cross-over fic? Thanks!
(I can take screenshots too!)
Accidentally read the Grantland essay on KKH and I was furious. Written in fury, here’s the unedited stream-of-consciousness response—my favorite kind!
Please explain to me why whatever version of Kim Kardashian that appears in her TV show is any different…
This is so, so good, and worth reading on its own, irrespective of the ~3k words of pop-culture hand-wringing that inspired it.
kelsyabbott asked: What the hell is happening??
So about a month ago I posted to the #YesAllWomen hashtag on twitter & spoke openly as a rape victim. When I did this, I got inundated with a ton of harassment & rape threats.
Most of the time my response would be to block & report, but once in a while I’d take a screenshot of what the person said & then reply telling them to fuck off eternally into the night, etc. One of the people who harassed me for speaking up about my rape happened to be a 13 year old kid. I did not know this, because I was getting hundreds of replies & I don’t thoroughly investigate every account with 15 followers that responds to me with bullshit. I responded with this scathing little gem
& then a follower of mine, I guess looked at this person’s account & saw it was a kid who had recently posted a link to his personal facebook. The kid’s entire timeline at that time was him responding to/trolling the #YesAllWomen hashtag, arguing with rape victims & condemning feminism, you know, because that’s the world we live in right now. So this guy, crushingbort responded to a separate tweet the kid made about how comedians who make rape jokes are totally cool, & he posted a picture of the kid hugging his cat from his facebook, saying something like, “Joshua, you should really lock your facebook” or something. I thought this was hilarious because honestly, if you’re big boy enough to harass rape victims for being raped, you’re big boy enough to deal with the consequences. I had nothing to do with this, though. Then, about a month later, some pathetic Men’s Rights Activists found this exchange & went fucking ballistic, focusing all their rage on me, saying I “sexually harassed a child”, that I “doxxed a child” (I had nothing to do with the posting of his photo, but that’s not even doxxing at all, the kid himself said this). They went on a crusade against me using this kid as a flimsy excuse because they hate women & want to punish them. I received a ton of rape threats & even death threats.
I had to lock my twitter account to slow it down because I was getting about 4 per minute. They posted my personal information on 4chan & apparently attempted to post my little sister’s information too, but that was a tip I got & I didn’t see it anywhere so I’m not sure if it really happened. I started reporting all the threats to the FBI & got set up with a civil rights attorney, but a judge said I wouldn’t get the result I was hoping for unless the threats were “more direct”, like mentioning my location within the threat, my personal information within the threat, etc.
The kid himself knows that these MRAs are using him as an excuse to persecute women for whatever reason, & has told them to lay off, but you can’t reason with these idiots.
I’ve started ignoring it & they’ve eased up on the threats & have moved on to filing false reports with the Houston police department trying to say that I’m a pedophile or a child abuser & trying to blackmail me for being a child abuser or some shit, but that doesn’t bother me because it’s obviously all false.
So essentially, this is just what women with a voice have to deal with online. This is all because I spoke up about rape & being a rape victim, & this is just what I have to expect now. If I get any other threats that are “direct enough”, I’ll definitely jump on pursuing it legally, but until then, this is just what I’m dealing with. NEAT, HUH?!!?!?
The amount of crap that solikebasically has been through in the past month is unreal. I wish there was a way to mobilize armies of people against hateful, abusive men, the way they seem to be able to mobilize against any and all women. Or, at the very least, mechanisms built into social media to prevent users from having to experience this level of abuse. Surely the resources exist to solve these problems.
Volume Ten, Issue Two of The Lifted Brow: Digital has entered our worldly, wordy realm! Fire up your apple device to get this latest literary sensation, featuring:
- #nofilter fiction from Kevin Fanning (USA)
- Lee Tran Lam navigates an exit survey,…
If you go to the app store and download the newest issue of The Lifted Brow you can read my story about sexually-charged brand interactions. I really like this story and there aren’t a lot of mags that would have been so enthusiastic about it so THANK YOU to The Lifted Brow. Here’s a lil pull quote:
You stumbled gracelessly around the screen until you found star_travlr420’s profile. You noticed that he had 114,000 followers.
“Um, you have 114,000 followers,” you said.
“I know right?” he said, without looking up from whatever he was doing.
“I don’t know? I guess? I just really exist, is how I think of it.”
“Are these all real accounts or Brazilian robo-corporations or something?” you asked.
star_travlr420 thought for a moment. “Every account, every profile, every brand, is true to itself, is real on some level.”
You desperately hoped this was true, with your zero posts and 1 follower.