In Case Of Actual Death

I started whygodwhy 9 years ago this month. I started building websites because a) I wanted to see what it was all about, this new thing, and b) I was writing stories and wanted to do something with them. Having a website where I published stories lead to me meeting all kinds of other writers who inspired me. When that happened, my motivations changed. I began to feed off what other people were doing on the internet. Whenever I was feeling uninspired in my writing, suddenly Josh Allen or Paul Ford or Leslie Harpold or Dennis Mahoney or Dean Allen would post something I wished I’d written, and on some level I took it as a personal challenge, urging me to work harder and create something new.

Remember how Jay-Z and Nas had both fallen into a creative rut, until they started battling, and suddenly they were creating better music than they had in years. I think there’s a lot to that. Creativity inspiring creativity.

The motivation back then, at least in my corner of the blogosphere, was to tell stories. It’s embarrassing to see it written out like that, but there we are. I have looked, and I continue to look, but I don’t see a lot of people with that motivation any more. I don’t know what motivates people to take pictures of their food. I don’t know what motivates people to post links to articles in the New York Times or the New Yorker. I don’t know what motivates people to champion bands and then dismiss them a week later. I don’t know what motivates people to see a website that they enjoy, and then set out to recreate the exact same thing, whether it’s mp3s, or celebrity gossip, or lifehacks. I don’t mean to be dismissive, although I know it sounds that way. I understand that many people are motivated to just post something, to increase page views, which generate more ad revenue, but I guess I don’t understand why you’d want to live your life that way.

We (well, I, for sure) had this idea back then that the internet was going to become one big modern art gallery, full of all kinds of new and weird personal art. And the fact that it didn’t turn out quite the way I expected is not a complaint. Yes, people are still doing interesting things every day on the internet. I still love it here and am not leaving. I’m just saying that the things that used to inspire don’t exist any more, or are much harder to find (and I try, believe me), so I have trouble motivating myself to create in this medium. While I love them, and appreciate them, I’m not generally inspired by what the people around me are doing (with rare exceptions, that I can count on one hand). I’m open to being inspired in new ways, but with what I’m seeing around me, it’s just not happening. What inspires you? What would inspire you more?

And I know the universe doesn’t care whether or not I feel inspired anymore to create something and put it on the internet. I know that in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. But it also kind of does, in a way, you know? It feels like it does.