Coconut Delight Oreo Fudge Cremes (sic)
I saw these at Star Market the other day and was like Ugh that sounds impossibly good, god DAMN it, Science, I HATE YOU. But then I was like Well, but I should be good. Like I’m not already stress-eating enough this winter? Like an entire thing of hummus & pretzels mysteriously eats itself in front of Hulu every night? No.
So I walked away and Dokken was playing in the background and it was even raining out! Just the saddest scene ever, and I tweeted about my regret and everyone I know said TURN AROUND AND GO BACK AND GET THEM.
So I did, because of friendship, and after eating the entire thing I’m ready to offer my review.
Straight up, they’re not Oreos. They’re not at all the cookie I was envisioning. What I was expecting was an actual Oreo with a just a kiss, a coy but possibly sexual kiss, of coconut oil added to the already luscious mix. This is not that.
They’re very thin. THIN. WAFER THIN. Thinner than a Thin Mint. They weigh almost nothing. It’s a delicate cookie disc with a shmear of coconut paste, enrobed in fudginess. It’s good? I mean I ate them without hesitation? But it’s not a Coconut Oreo. The thinness combined with the coconut makes it feel like a Thin Mint and a Samoa had a baby. But being so light and wispy it lacks the snap and heft of a solid state Oreo. And the white stuff isn’t your traditional Oreo creme; the whole thing is not Oreoish by any definition other than the color scheme.
Is it a bad cookie as these things go? No. Is it definitely false advertising, a missed opportunity, and yet another pointed reminder that our dreams continually betray the hollowness of our reality? Yes.
In other news have you seen these Cookies & Creme Oreos? What, what even is that. That’s wormhole shit, disruption in the space-time continuum shit. It’s like Try our new Butter Butter, butter made by feeding a cow only butter. What terrifying science is at play here. What even are the logistics and repercussions of a thing like that.