Random 80s Food Reviews
I just did the first 5 I could think of, no order, no reason.
Almost Home cookies
These were a humungous deal for a very short period of time. They were marketed as fresher-tasting than other cookies, but that had more to do with advances in preservatives than actual breakthroughs in cookie science. They were the worst cookies. Just awful. No one liked them, no one laments their absence. The people who created them had to begin new lives under new names.
Gatorgum (aka Gatorade Gum)
Pretty fucked up commercial but this was the best gum. But it was never available anywhere with any regularity or reliability whatsoever, so when you found a pack at the store, you were super psyched but first you had to fight your brother for it. It did not actually quench your thirst but you would still spend so much time chewing away and being like “Yeah? I think I am less thirsty?”
Chicken McNuggets Shanghai
I mean, oof, but kinda dope that you got chopsticks and different sauces.
Frank N Stuffs
Frank N Stuffs were hot dogs with chili INSIDE them. They are literally the best food that has ever existed. They disappeared from the market very quickly (due to a minor razor blade scare) and it is INSANE to me that no one has rushed in to fill his huge, huge vacancy in the chili-intubated hot dog marketplace.
OK. History lesson. Doritos didn’t use to be so insanely cheese-powder covered. At first they were just a kinda chill nacho cheese chips. But then they changed the formula and got WAY cheesier and powderier. The first time I tried the new ones I was like WHAT? NO! and I was so sad b/c Doritos had always been the go-to. I hated HATED Doritos for years and was afraid to eat them and then eventually out of desperation I tried them again and I was like OK actually yeah.
NOTE: this is NOT the flavor change Wikipedia lists has having happened in the mid-90s. There was ANOTHER flavor change, it happened in the 80s, I was there, and it has apparently been suppressed from the historical records. I was there. I remember. It marked me, changed me irrevocably.